| Well the winter weather continues, the country remains at a stand still and everyone is panicing because it's snowing. I can imagine anyone from Scandanavia is pissing themselves with laughter at the reaction some snow and ice gets. I know i sound unfair but, really. Roads are closed because people drive too fast, schools are closed because society has become litigation mad and in a culture that loves to blame faceless bodies of authority, of course it's the local authorities fault for not gritting the pavements. Here is a thought do it yourself. Spent a nice day playing sledging on a flat lilo, secretly hoping we have no more snow. Wondering if I can do a Sun dance or something pagan to bring clement weather. Posted via email from chrisgower's posterous | comments: Leave a comment   |
| | It's official. I have insomnia. I was up at 5am analysing the greater and lesser facets of my life including 'what is religion, where do they make mars bars, and how much money do i not have?'. They're not unique thoughts, in fact they're repeats of thoughts that i had yesterday, like a repeating matinee on Dave or a redubbed version of Agadoo. So, looking at the advance of technology, I now have the ability to update my blogs from a remote car park in Exeter at 6am on a Sunday morning. One of the greatest inventions of the 21st century? Just wait till they start making invisible sausages, that'll be something. I guess we'll see cures for diseases, creation of new exciting ways to stroke your very own ego (such as this one) and maybe even a solution to climate change. Sadly, I expect we'll see a new gaming technology come out before that happens or possibly even self colouring hair. Just feel guilty when you're colouring your hair and an iceberg melts and lands on the last ever polar bear. As you can tell, insomnia is rubbish. But what's even worse is the reason I'm down here in Marsh Barton. Talking about gaming, I mercilessly stole back my PS1 from my sister who doesn't use it as she has 6 other means of game playing in her tiny room, and I suddenly realised that this machine was part of my childhood. I grew up with Wipeout, Destruction Derby 2 and Gran Turismo. So today, I'm going to expand my PS1 experience and get some more games for it. I'm also looking for PS2 games too for Tori, oh and a memory card as well. Knowing my luck, i'll come back with a picture of a squirrel and another typewriter. Posted via email from chrisgower's posterous | | comments: Leave a comment |
| What a fantastic few days. Spent a great day on Wednesday with Tori and her parents, then yesterday with my family. In a mass of food and gorging, I realised that my belly had taken on a shape. It was the shape of Wales, and nearly the size of Wales too.
I now have a sheep farmer called Owen and his wife living somewhere near my belly button. We're getting on ok, but having a small dispute over rent.
So at this point of the year, one decides some new year resolutions to break, but this year I am going to decide on one.
To write more.
Blog or poetry, more writing will hopefully make my brain creatively more flexible.
But really, is there actually any point to this whole resolution thing? Posted via email from chrisgower's posterous | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | This is a short post, just to highlight an experiment I am carrying out. I am currently seeing how many blogs I can start and maintain with posterous as a blog manager. So far 5 platforms have this blog sent to it. Extra challange, i can only update them from my phone. Not sure how suessful it'll be! Posted via email from chrisgower's posterous | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | So, it's 5:02am and I have been up for two hours. I have read, played with google latitude, made cheese on toast and tried to sleep. I have taken two Kalms that might help, but I am doubting it very much. I try and keep most of my personal life out of this blog, because it's a long a complicated situation that would take hours to explain without any guarantee that you would understand any of it. I say that because I don't fully understand most of it, so it's not suprising I try and avoid explaining the finer details. Laura is expecting to move out next weekend, the 21st to be exact. I am suprised that she is moving so quickly and in many respects, I am suprised that she has found the money to do so.
It has left me in a very tight position. Without a fridge/freezer, without a matress or a bed, without a television (this is the source of most contention) and now without a car. I don't want the car, I do want the television and given she is having a vast amout of expensive furniture for pretty much nothing, I have not got a sniff of gratitude throughout the whole thing. I really felt that this was going to be an amicable process but I am starting to feel that the whole thing could quickly escalate in to materialistic chaos. But then who said divorce was easy. Tomorrow I am off to see the mortgage company with the intention of taking her off the mortgage. If not, then I will have to look at the current situation as a temporary stopgap, rather then any permanence. Posted via email from chrisgower's posterous | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Going to see Bright Stars at the Picture House, review when I can be bothered. Day was tiring but good, drank tea and ran around, no change there. Just had nice gammon steak at 'spoons, seen guy with amazing chin, Tori drawing him as I write. Posted via email from chrisgower's posterous | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Well, what a strange few days.
We got up to the big smoke and I had my scan, played some more chess for a couple of hours and then got told that there had been no change since the last scan.
It's still there and it is very much a case of 'by the grace of God' so I am feeling blessed although its annoying as I want to start treatment as soon as possible. But then I'm not complaining I guess.
I am now a PhD in Metaphysics. http://www.templaruniversity.com | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | Bon Homi | | Time: | 09:57 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/opiummmm/foxies/happy.gif) chipper |
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| Well life continues as normal. I am poorer then usual as I have no control over money, and I am still egging for world domination. I was going to cycle in today but I was late getting up so I had to drive, and I forgot to bring my lunch too so I will have to either go hungry or go and forage amongst the bushes for fermenting fruit or half empty crisp wrappers.
My key for coping with my slightly stupid life is to be preoccupied with things, Soduku, Crosswords, [work], Trains, Spiritual development, babies and procrastination. Leave me alone with bad thoughts and I turn in to a gibbering wreck.
"Death is but a door, time is just a window. I will be back"
Ghostbusters
I have also discovered Chess, and I have also discovered that I can be lucky at it if I try. London tomorrow to be told the damage, at least I can get an idea of what the hell is going on with my lungs. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| Another day and another set of dark thoughts. Not helped by a visit from the hospice nurse who came and introduced herself. She's a lovely lady so I was put at ease but I had to go over things that I didn't really want to talk about. Still to hear from the Marsden, obviously I am not good enough for them (humph).
Getting my bike back today, then I will go around taking photos of things and people with my disability money. Or maybe I'll save it? Or even we could go away for a one in a life time cruise?
I feel that I am decending in to this self induced bubble of thought, not negative dark feelings but just determination to get remission and get as much time as possible. Enough time to get married and move out and have babies and all the things that I want. Life is different now, and its all about remission and getting better and moving out and getting married and having babies. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I feel better today, yesterday was a total nosedive which ended up me bursting in to tears when I picked up Laura.
I think it needed to come out, I needed a good blub and I feel better for it. I am going to concentrate of getting better and going forward. Look forward to the wedding, look forward to moving out and hopefully with one thing and another I'll be able to concentrate on other things, other then the dark things.
Light is good, and hopefully there is a lot of light in the future. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Moonlight Sonata - Beethoven | | Time: | 09:52 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/opiummmm/foxies/okay.gif) okay |
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| I have metastatic melanoma in both lungs.
There are lots of them, they have not even thought about operating.
I guess this is the sort of news that other people get, you comfort them and think "thank god its not me"
But it is. Me.
No one knows how long it'll be if the chemo doesn't work. There is a 2:5 chance of it working, so its pretty slim. I am positive though, I feel that now is not my time and that I have started so much already. I am just about to get married and start a family, surely my time can't be up already?
Its still like a weird surreal dream, I guess it hasn't sunk in properly.
I am going up to the Marsden centre in London where they'll hopefully offer me treatment with experimental drugs. I am not even sure if they'll take me, but the trip will be nice.
I guess this is the start of the 'treatment' journal.
It is not over until the fat lady sings, and I've not heard any opera yet.. | | comments: 11 comments or Leave a comment |
| | I am going back in to hospital today. They rang me up and said that there was something about my CT scan that they needed to see me about. I had the scan two months ago so it can't be that serious, but I guess we shall wait and see. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| Penguins don't have names
But this one is called Dick
He has high aspirations
For a bird who lives
Deep in the Antartic
His intellectual abilities
Far surpassed his penguin peers
He knew he wanted out
Of his icey lonely home
A penguin with a career
Dick didn't dote the dream
Of being a lawyer or an explorer
But knew his path laid
Far from his homely shores
So off he went, our penguin pioneer.
Goodbye Ross Ice Shelf
Melting steadily in to the sea
On the back of a chartered whale
Fishy supper in a lunchbox
And a muller rice for tea
The whale complained of cramp
Somewhere off Brazil
He hopped on to a passing ship
On malibu and pineapple did sip
Chomping on entrees to his fill
The ship did dock in Miami
Dick bought a map and looked up Bill
A penguin friend in a zoo nearby
Who he visited under a moonlit sky
Zoo food make him Ill
So he brought a chinese on the way
They sat up all night drinking schnaps
Dick was really bad at holding
His alcohol and kissed a nearby
Fish who gave him a big fat slap.
He wandered around Miami and dreamt
Of a colder place, with ice and artic breeze
He wanted to go home again
To the place that he was akin
Beyond the distant Amazon trees
So goodbye to Bill he said
And called his chartered Whale
He rode home quick
On a whale called Mick
He loved his home without fail. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Silently shimmering
The night sky is splayed apart
In a halo of batter
As god dips the giant onion ring
In to the mayonaise sea
The ships that sail
Are grounded on its
Crispy coating
I hope god
Likes fish flavoured
Mayonaise | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
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